I remember

5 Aug

I can never decide on my worst memory. My mind pulls up three memories that stand out most, that remain in my emotional memory as an unpleasant feeling in my gut. I originally was going to write all three memories, but could only bring myself to write one.
My most recent bad memory takes place this past December. I think it was December 14, 2012. It was a Friday (oh how joyous was the morning!) and I was a high school senior. This meant I had privileges like open campus. I had free periods in the morning, so after one or two classes, I left school. I went home and watched two episodes of House, M.D with my mother. She works at home on Fridays when she can. I ate lunch and then my mom drove me back to school. At the edge of campus, the security guard stopped us and asked who we were, what we were doing. This was out of the ordinary, so I suppose I should have guessed that something was up. I was too focused on getting back to bio before the bell rang to really consider the implications of ramped up security.
I got to the hallway outside our room and saw everyone huddled up, chatting. As usual, we had to wait for Dr. Domo to show up. But everyone was talking about Newtown.
“Did you hear?”
“It was all over twitter!”
“Doesn’t Ms. Galaka have a son at that school?”
I asked what was going on. They informed me that the Newtown schools were in lockdown. There were rumors of a man with a gun.
Our teacher showed up and let us into the classroom. Usually a stickler for getting down to work, Domo let us chat about what was going on. This could not be a good sign. Moments later, an announcement came on. We were now in partial lockdown: nobody in, nobody out, but we could still move around within the confines of the school. We watched the news all of our double bio period. I couldn’t look away, in case new info came or in case the official death toll went up again (It did. And then it did again. And again. And again.), but I could hardly stand to hear it. I cried twice during bio. I went to the bathroom by myself the first time, dignified. The second time, I needed the support of my friend Smi. It hurt me not because I was directly affected–my siblings didn’t go there and I myself ha gone to Newtown’s other elementary, Hawley school. But I had friends there, with little siblings. It was a town I’d grown up in, partially. I still had a home there. And most of all, it hurt because the victims were so YOUNG. They would never go on a date or have their first kiss. They would never say something completely embarrassing in front of their crushes; nor would they get to sleep through lectures or choose a maid of honor. They would never get fired or meet their grandchild. Their lives were stolen from them.

My religious beliefs allow me hope for them, and for those who survived.

If you’d like to read about my second worst memory, the great 3/11/11 earthquake in Japan, click here.
Written for daily post weekly prompt.

6 Responses to “I remember”

  1. georgefloreswrite August 5, 2013 at 6:19 pm #

    Are you doing all right? The last blog post I read of yours was almost as dark.

    • chloeaevm August 5, 2013 at 6:29 pm #

      Haha thank you very much for your concern. I am happy and have been happy for a while now. Sometimes it is just easier to write dark things! Besides, this post here is really only half of the story. Tragedies almost always bring great bouts of love and compassion in their aftermath. Such was the case here.

      • georgefloreswrite August 5, 2013 at 7:38 pm #

        πŸ™‚ That’s good to know that you’re happy. I understand about the writing. Dark memories do have more impact on self reflection and happy times are more for enjoyment. True about aftermaths! Somewhat like when art flourishes under oppression and political change sometimes.

      • chloeaevm August 5, 2013 at 11:10 pm #

        Oh, that’s a good comparison! I guess part of what differentiates a happy person from an unhappy one is the ability to focus on the good that comes from trials. Anyway, thanks for visiting my blog, and I wish you happiness πŸ˜€


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