because prama is a thing.

3 May

For the past few weeks and the next two or so, I’m just completely swamped. My mom’s birthday is this Tuesday, Mother’s day is Sunday. I’ve got four AP tests to study for, all within the space of seven days. The first one is this Monday, and I’m completely screwed. I’m confident I can get a four or a five on psych and English, and all I need to get college credit on Bio is a three (doable, I hope). But calculus… thou art the bane of my existence. I need at least a four to get credit for it, and if I do I will get out of TWO core classes in my college next year. Somehow, i don’t think it’s gonna happen. I just took the non-calculator (rough) free response (rougher) section of a released exam in class. I got so stuck that I drew a turtle with a thought bubble that read,

 math is hurts my head.

 But I can still hope for a four! Please oh please oh please!

In addition to all of my APs, I have to arrange prom. There is more drama surrounding senior prom than I even thought possible. Last night, I cleared up a misunderstanding with one of my neighbors who heard through the grapevine that I would go to prom with him–even though I already had a pretty firm commitment with some junior I don’t know. Later that same night, one of the same neighbor’s friends asked me to prom. I had just heard that the junior was planning to ask me today, so I said no. I’ve never even spoken to the junior, and the guy who asked me (we’ll call him Fishy) is someone I’ve always thought is cute. But going with him would be unfair to both my neighbor and the junior… It stinks when you are considerate of the feelings of others.

As if my first world problems couldn’t get any worse, I’ve just got too much going on. I have hours worth of church commitments, plus my friends are all being social and stuff. Right now, as I type, I am missing senior skip day. By which I mean, I am at school when I shouldn’t be. Sure, I already skipped once this week, but it’s the principle of the thing!

I guess my biggest problem is myself. I hate how moody I get this time of the month. While we were trying to figure out who’ll sit at whose tables for prom, I was on the verge of crying for about 36 hours straight. Nobody invited me to sit at a table with them, which of course I took to mean that everybody hated me. Looking back, I know it seems silly, but with the stress and the hormones raging it’s all too easily to yearn desperately for an escape. Because college will be better. There wont be prom drama, and my friends might actually invite me to hang out with them once in a while. Sure, I’ll have alot of work, but I’ll have alot of freedom, too.

Right?

Wrong. I need to learn to look outside at the beautiful weather, not look forward to a utopia that will never come. Fine, maybe i’ll enjoy college more, but so what? Prama is a thing, but every era in every person’s life has its ‘things’, its struggles.

I’m not gonna say tomorrow will be better anymore. It may be, or it may not be. So it goes. No matter what happens, today, tomorrow and yesterday are GOOD. Carpe diem.

 

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