dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb

4 Apr

Something that’s always fascinated me is the many levels of dumbness. Oh, you’re not familiar with the stratified dumbosity theory? Fear not. I shall explicate.

The stratified dumbosity theory states that layers upon layers of dumb exist. Researchers keep digging, but so far there are only four widely recognized dumbosity layers.

  • The “Huh?” layer

We’ve all been there. The scene is a library table, the characters: two high school girls. One sits with her forehead straining against her palm. Creased brows, pursed lips, a paper under her eyes*. The other sits back in her chair, rolling her eyes and sporadically releasing pent up breaths.  She explains how to do the problem AGAIN. As she speaks, her friend’s eyes glaze over.


Some people just don’t get it.

  • The “Oh yeah!” layer

There are some people who do get it. Unfortunately, just because you get it… doesn’t mean you get it for good. My friend Gee, much as I love her, falls under this category. When you tell her something, she nods and smiles and repeats it back to you. You THINK she gets it, you THINK she knows what she’s doing. But then, ten minutes later, you check on her and ask her what the heck she thinks she’s doing.

“Oh yeahhhhh! That’s how you open the cash register.” Yikes.

  • The dumb-but-lucky layer

This is my dad, through and through. He’s a smart man, he really is. He’s technically got a doctorate, though he never uses that title. He’s got this thing about him, though, that’s difficult to describe. People (often complete strangers) get this overwhelming urge to just… help him out. And he needs it. He never pays for speeding tickets, because the cops feel bad for him or something. He can never find his pants keys. He has learned to rely on others for help. For example: one day, my family was walking home. We weren’t familiar with the area, but there was a road sign designating which way the exit was. My mom pointed, “Honey, it’s this way,”  as Dad bumbled over to a police officer standing in the middle of the road. Doing what he does best, my dad got help. The cop smiled and pointed IN THE DIRECTION OF THE SIGN. And away we went. I’m not sure I want to know just how many places he’s gotten into that he shouldn’t have with his help me-I need it power.

  • The lamp layer

Some people, regardless of how they score on the SATs or APs or IBs, can’t figure out how to put together a lamp from Ikea*. This is me. My brother has often explained to me, “Chloe, you are a dumb.”

When he says this, I smile and chuckle to myself, because I know that the stratified dumbosity theory allows everyone to be a dumb. What layer of dumb are you?

*My friend Netty used to sit for hours staring at her math worksheets. Sometimes I was tempted to ask her if she wanted a Rosetta Stone: Algebra Edition.

**Don’t judge, guys. It had a whopping three parts.

PS If you haven’t seen the South Park Episode on Mormons, watch it. It’s funny. I had this song running through my head this entire post.

8 Responses to “dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb”

  1. Fairview April 4, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

    You’ve really thought about this, I can tell! It made me chuckle. I am at the “huh?” Level, aspiring to the “ikea” level

    • chloeaevm April 6, 2013 at 5:16 pm #

      Haha! Always happy to give a laugh 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Matthew MacNish April 5, 2013 at 12:26 pm #

    Hah! This is such a great post. We all have things we are dumb about.

    • chloeaevm April 6, 2013 at 5:18 pm #

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! It’s really true. I can’t think of one person who isn’t dumb some which way.

  3. melanie schulz April 5, 2013 at 2:21 pm #

    Help me…I need it power; that is a new classic

  4. sherijkennedyriverside April 5, 2013 at 11:57 pm #

    I love this post! Especially fun that you owned up to your own personal layer of dumb. I’m not generally a dumb-but-lucky help-needer, but I can definitely relate to being sign challenged. I can never figure out what they’re pointing at. When it says Freeway Entrance and points right, do I turn at the road right there in front of the sign or go until I see the next road to the right in a half block or block away? Maybe I’m in the ‘oh well, I can always go back’ layer. 🙂 Happy A to Z! I’m enjoying the Challenge too!

    • chloeaevm April 6, 2013 at 5:21 pm #

      Well, thanks! I’m not one to bash others without bashing myself, too. It’s just a little less fun if you ask me. Oh I get you there! I probably could have given myself two layers of dumb, now that you mention it… I’m geographically challenged. I swear someday I’m going to get lost in my own home!Happy A to Z Challenge to you too.

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