boys, church, and what NOT to say

17 Mar

I’m trying to absorb as much of the weekend as I can before I have to once again face the reality of sitting down and doing work looooooong procrastinated. Yesterday, I worked with my friend Goldfish in the bakery. She’s a nice girl, and since I wasn’t with Gee I made good tips. Gee is a sweetheart—one of my best friends, really—but she isn’t the best worker. I consistently make more money without her. She went to the city yesterday with her friends for her birthday. She went to the same karaoke place we went to as our joint birthday party last year.

Me "singing" at karaoke. believe it or not, I'm actually completely sober in this photo.

Me “singing” at karaoke. Believe it or not, I’m actually completely sober in this photo.

While she was in the city, I stayed home. I can’t even really remember what I did, to be honest. I know that when I got home, we were going to go exercise but my dad and brother went to Kohl’s instead. When they got back, it was too late to go to the nice gym, so my bro started to drive me to the town Rec Center. On the way, I had another one of my spontaneous Chloe cries, where I just sobbed uncontrollably about anything and everything I could think of. My main points were that I was fat and that I should be able to run farther and faster than I am currently able to.  That and I felt that I had wasted the last two years of my life because I hadn’t done very many extracurriculars.

My brother’s tires were extremely flat, so we had to refill them. By the time they were full, we’d already wasted too much time to get to the Rec center, our plan B, before it also closed. We went back home (and I think I was still in tears). When we got home, we realized that our old gym, which is open 24 hours, still hadn’t retracted our membership. I finally got to go for a run.

My run was slow. And it was hot. And it was sticky. And it was laborious. What normally should have been a mild jog was making me heave and stop for water breaks. But I didn’t care about that, and I didn’t care that I was the only female in the whole gym. All that mattered was that I was working out again. I did 5K, the very distance I’ll be running this upcoming Saturday!

It’s going to be a 5K for Newtown with about 20,000 people in it. Unfortunately, people don’t seem to realize that the citizens of Newtown don’t really need much in the form of money. It’s not like their possessions were all taken away to Oz via tornado. I mean, MAYBE they could use the money for therapy and the like. But from what I understand, the people of Newtown just need love and some time to let the pain subside a bit.

Anyway, the workout was just what I needed. I felt like I was on my way to becoming strong again. Maybe I will be able to do a half-ironman this summer, after all!

This is one of my favorite Race-Day photos. On the left is me in my hot pink tutu, on the right is my mom in hers. Tutus are our tradition. Who needs training when you have a tutu? Last time, we also had a giant bubble blower. That was magical.

This is one of my favorite Race-Day photos. On the left is me in my hot pink tutu, on the right is my mom in hers. Tutus are our tradition. Who needs training when you have a tutu? Last time, we also had a giant bubble blower. That was magical.

After the run, my whole family watched X-Men first class together. I have NO idea how I hadn’t seen that movie yet, because it was just a work of art. I highly recommend seeing it at least twice. And this is coming from someone who sat next to a girl who kept calling the Beast “SO CUTE!” in every scene before he became the Beast. Ugh. Tor’s become such a dork ever since she became infatuated with a nerd from her school. She likes her men tall, pale and lanky. British dorks are preferred, though not entirely necessary.

In all his state and glory.

In all his state and glory.

Actually, confession time. I kinda dig the whole dork thing, too. Mr. Awesome was 6 ft. 5 and white as can be. His game was tennis and he rode a longboard. He also enjoys Swing Dancing and partaking in University-wide Zombie vs. Human battles. Some of his long-term goals still include creating video games. Total catch, right?

For those of you who are scoffing at my taste in men, I do have some points in my defense:

  1. Geeks will probably end up as jocks’ bosses’ bosses.
  2. Be honest, girls, you have to admit that sometimes the whole nerdy-and-nervous-bumbling bit is just plain ADORKABLE!
  3. Nerdy guys will adore you. Time and again, they will shower you with cheezy compliments, pull out your chair and pay for your dinner. They won’t judge you at all if you act ridiculous. They’ll always give you the respect that you deserve, and they’ll be completely understanding even when you don’t deserve it. They will treat you as if you’re the only girl in the world—even if that’s only because they’re certain that you are, in fact, the only girl in the world who would date them. Really, you get way more out of a relationship with a dork than they do.

However, this isn’t to say that I exclusively look for geeks. (If you happen to be a sexy lacrosse/rugby player who also sings and regularly opens doors for people, PLEASE leave your contact info and also please don’t be gay.*) This being said, I’m not the kinda girl who’s gonna say no to someone just because their IQ is over 80.

Here's a looker. (I'm here all night.)

Here’s a looker. (I’m here all night.)

This morning I went to Church. I got some brownie-cheesecake-chocolate pudding thing in Young Womens’ and I got a homemade powdered wafer cookie from my Sunday School teacher, Brother Pain. He is about a gazillion years old and knows just about everything there is to know about world culture, economics/finance, the LDS faith, and smartness-in-general. His policy is that if you make eye contact with him, he will ask you a question. (That isn’t even a joke. He says it just about every week.) I think he knows every single scripture by heart and somehow expects us to, too.

It was a bit awkward today because we have a kid in our class named Kay. I think Kay has Aspergers’ syndrome, or something like it, that makes him a bit clueless when it comes to social norms. Every time Brother Pain asked a question, Kay would raise his hand and groan because Kay just KNEW he knew the answer. Then Brother Pain would call on him and the answer was invariably completely wrong or simply incomprehensible. If Brother Pain just ignored Kay, as he began to do halfway through, Kay only got more insistent.

“Please,” he’d say. “I know the answer. Can I say the answer?”

“Would anybody else like to give it a shot? Anybody?” Sigh. “Anybody at all?”

I felt bad for Kay. It obviously bothered him so much whenever he got ignored. He got up to walk around the room several times. I bet he gets ignored all the time. I wish I knew him better. I mean, I’m always civil with him, but since he lives in Newtown (the next town over), we don’t cross paths that much outside of Church. It’s hard to really get to know someone when they’re so far away. What’s worse is that Kay rarely gets invited to the few gatherings we do have.

During class, I was sat in between Tanman and this guy named Gregarious. Gregarious is about as tall as I am, with dark buzz-cutted hair and a scar through one of his eyebrows. He’s broadly built, a wrestler. He constantly obsesses over his weight and fitness. When I first met him, I don’t think we had any conversations at all that didn’t include how sore and exhausted he was from his super-manly hard core workouts the day before and how he hadn’t eaten anything all day. (This is, remember, all mentioned to the girl who often eats the extra donut that Shmands wont eat in front of boys.) I had a huge crush on him when I first moved in, partly because he was one of the only guys who’d talk to me (like I said, gregarious) partly because he was a convert to the church—he believed in the church so much that he joined even though nobody else in his family would—and partly because he had a dark past. I guess I have a thing for religious boys. And something about people who grow up with hardship just really makes me go wild. But I think I stopped liking him around the time when mentioned that that he sometimes gets so angry that he gets a little homicidal. He’s a bit of a hot-head, to be honest, even now.

Take today, for instance. During class, we kinda chatted a little here and there while Brother Pain wasn’t watching. After class, I was just about to leave the room to try and chat with Tanman when he called my name. He told me how he just wanted to slap Kay after a while. I mean, I could understand where he was coming from: his arguments that he was trying really hard to listen and focus on the spirit, but that Kay was really distracting him from the lesson, were pretty valid. It makes sense. But I guess I just felt something different when Kay spoke. Maybe it’s just that I don’t know him as well and I haven’t had enough time to get annoyed by it, but every time Kay opened his mouth I would smile and think how cute and innocent he was. I know, I know, I sound awful and patronizing. I’m just being honest. But if you’re getting angry and annoyed by somebody like Kay who really truly means well, then are you really “feeling the spirit” at all? Last time I checked, church is about loving one another.

But maybe I take that whole “love” thing a teensy bit too far. I sometimes wonder if I’m going to church for God or for boys. Honestly, I can hardly have a conversation with Gregarious without falling half in love with him. And Tanman is just so cute with kids. And then there’s A-man, who lost his best friend when he was in 8th grade. And don’t even get me started on Roach, who lost his mother when he was very young. I just want to hug all of them forever.

This is what happens when I try to hug boys.

This is what happens when I try to hug boys. (Not my image, as usual)

I think one of the worst things I’ve ever said was when I was teasing Roach a few weeks ago. I was trying to call him a baby for some reason or other, but I accidentally said something like “is your MOMMY gonna XYZ?” As soon as I saw his face I realized what I’d said and quickly tried to cover with “I meant your dad.” But the damage was done, even though he regained his composure quickly. I could hardly talk to him for the rest of the night because I felt so awful.

But I don’t think that was the single worst thing I’ve ever said. No… that was when I asked a blind girl what her favorite color was. TWICE. It wasn’t on purpose! She didn’t speak very good English, so I was trying to ask her questions that she would understand. When she didn’t answer at first, I thought she hadn’t heard me. So I asked her again. It was only when she hesitantly responded,

“Umm… black?” that I knew that I was going to go to Hell.

In other news, I watched The Princess and the Frog again today and I wanted to cry. Love the songs, love the story. Definitely recommend this one too. Also, we played family Texas Hold ’em again and I won so hard.

*This isn’t homophobia. It’s just that gay guys are always hottest and it’s so not fair.

Matt Bomer is living, breathing proof that gay guys are just so much hotter. Can we just all step back and say YUM?

Matt Bomer is living, breathing proof that gay guys are just so much hotter. Can we just all step back and say YUM?

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